Slow Down

I didn’t realize the power of these two words for 27 years of my life. It’s crazy to write that. It makes me feel a bit uneasy. I almost wished that I had actually stopped to listen to my surroundings and hear those two words, which I’m sure people pointed out several times, but I was, again, too busy not slowing down. You see, when you are on the go, you feel empowered, energized. You have no time for BS; you only have time to think “productive.” If you’re a go-getter, you know what I mean. If you grew up with a single mom, you know what I mean. If you’re an athlete, you know what I mean. Even if these last three statements don’t describe you, we do live in a society that never stops. We can’t get through all the stories on IG, all the emails in our inbox, all the tasks on our to-do list because a new one gets in the way.

People around me have always told me things like, “You’re so active,” “You’ve done so much,” “You’re always moving around.” At first, I kind of saw it as spontaneous and fun. It was definitely a compliment. When I was in college, though, one of my closest friends would confront me and literally scream out the words “Take a chill pill” whenever he saw I was too rushed or I was stretching myself too thin. He knew me well. I had three jobs, five extracurriculars, Physics problems to solve until 3 a.m. on a daily basis, and I still wanted to do more. Clearly, I was doing too much.

Why was I doing this to myself? Why did I feel the need to prove that I was capable of juggling ALL THAT? To whom? To me?

Fast forward four years—starting a company in healthcare, trying to get investment, balancing personal and professional life, traveling twice a month or more—I felt like quitting. But I also couldn’t say NO. I started hearing those two words—slow down—in the back of my head on repeat last year. I call that GOD talking in His gentle, peaceful voice. I’d ignore it for a couple of months. I think, at some point though, I must’ve replied something like, “Sure God, let’s try. It shouldn’t be that hard.”

One day, I started feeling tired of doing too much. Asking myself, like, what’s the point of doing all this? Or what for? I definitely had been going on for a minute, and by a minute, I mean years—so yes, no wonder I was tired. But all of a sudden, I started having these thoughts of “Wait a second, maybe there’s more to this than the you’re-always-moving-around sort of mentality.” I started wanting to rest, spending more time in one place, and not getting anxious about not having the next thing planned.

But I couldn’t help myself, so I started coming up with plans A, B, and C. I think this made it worse because it was counterproductive to try to do less when you now have three plans at the same time for the “oh, just in case.” Oh man, I really needed to be told to slow down. I was, though.

I started having these reflection talks with close people like my sister, a girlfriend, and my partner at the time. They’d gently agree with me and emphasize the importance of doing less. However, at the time, I think I needed more of a stop. So it happened. Definitely not a punishment—if anything, it saved me.

One day last year, I was on a hill thinking I could ski (for context, I have only done it twice in my life, so no, I don’t ski). I was going down a green slope (beginner), started gaining some speed, I wanted to keep going then—but suddenly, I couldn’t coordinate both skis and stopped abruptly, causing my right knee to pop right out and back, thereby tearing my right anterior cruciate ligament completely.

Another close friend told me he didn’t wish for me to go through that because he knew how painful it’d be for me. It meant putting a halt. Not slowing down. Not taking it easy. Simply do nothing and focus on healing. Laying on the snow, fearful of what may have happened to my right leg, I couldn’t help but think and say in my head something like, “Okay, you got me. I need to stop.”

When surgery came, I was in bed for three weeks without being able to do anything by myself. How could I go from trying to do it all to laying down 24/7? I don’t think it hit me until I was going through it. Recovery meant thinking about how I had been living my life and asking myself what I had to prioritize—and constantly do that for months.

Suddenly, when I did that—because I was forced to due to the injury—all responsibilities went from pages and busy calendars to things I could count with my fingers. It felt SO WEIRD but somehow liberating. I had two months of peace where my only worry was making sure that my knee could bend one degree more every day.

I’m not going to paint a nice picture that I was happy ever after or romanticize the pain, undergoing surgery, and the emotional distress this injury caused—or even that I finally learned my lesson. Little did I know that it would only pose a greater challenge down the road.

After seeing improvement by the weeks, I had two roads to choose from: the one I had known for 27 years out of survival mode, or the new yet unknown “take it easy” road. I simply couldn’t go back to that long list of things I thought were priorities. I think God had given me some sort of clarity, and I felt that the first option had gotten me to where I am, but it couldn’t simply take me further than that. For that, I am forever grateful to God.

However, I had a greater challenge heading my way. Going down this route would be—and has been—SO humbling because how do you slow down when you have never done that? How do you take it easy when your mind has been wired for so long, your behaviors have been molded by previous role models, and your actions don’t match your thoughts anymore?

There’ve been so many times that I’ve felt trapped in a slow body with rushed thoughts and plans. Oh, this never-ending dichotomy. Even sometimes, the idea of getting things done and accomplishing some unattainable goals are faster than Speedy Gonzales. I also use that reference because people, both acquaintances and close family and friends, have called me Speedy Ramirez or Flecha Velóz Ramirez (fast arrow) in different settings. Yes, I’m not even joking. Again, because I used to just do and not stop.

So it’s been HELLA hard. Honestly, maybe even more than if I had stayed in my old ways of living life—what I thought was “living to the fullest.” I’m not going to sugarcoat it, but it’s been so hard. It involves wanting to do something by default but doing the opposite because you know that’s what your soul needs and not what your body craves. I do think these two often disagree with each other by nature, but you could align them with training and reinforcements—anyways, that’s another conversation. But I wanted to give my two cents as to why I wrote the previous statement.

It also is so hard because you have to shift your own thoughts/perspective while still being prone to act on it and to stop yourself from doing it. So yeah, I had to start telling other people and things no. Harder than that, I had to tell myself no. I had to stop myself midway. I had to forgive myself when I still did what I knew I shouldn’t have and, even harder, to give myself compassion and understanding when I still went with my old ways.

I know I just wrote this whole deep stuff in past tense as if I had overcome all that and now I am Nathalya “the grateful and graceful slug,” but the truth is I haven’t. I’m still in it and living it daily—trust me. And the reality is that so are you.

The average person has around 60,000 thoughts per day, with studies ranging from 12,000 to 70,000. A significant portion of these thoughts—roughly 80%—are negative, and 95% are repetitive, meaning they are the same thoughts as the previous day. So yes, I haven’t. You also haven’t.

I have to be mindful of these thousands of thoughts that are usually recurring from day to day and make decisions on how I’d like to live from now on.

But there’s hope. SO MUCH TO LOOK FORWARD TO.

Look how I started. I was completely oblivious as of a year ago to how much not slowing down was making me physically, mentally, emotionally, and even financially drained. Although it sucked to get clarity from a real and painful accident, I am glad and thankful it happened. But we shouldn’t have to have those wake-up calls for us to want to change or to better ourselves. Unfortunately, I see it way too often around me, so that’s why I’m writing this piece too.

Look where I am now. I identified something I wanted to change about my way of living. I did learn a lesson (honestly, several lessons), and I am doing something about it instead of complaining. It may not be pretty, easy, or fast, but living life like this lately has started to make more sense—to be less overwhelming. I don’t fully see it now, but I know it will start paying off as I am more aware of my surroundings. Not that it hasn’t paid off—I do think it is already paying off—but I have to attune to it since it’s new and different to me.

So what does it mean to slow down to you? I certainly hope it’s not ACL, but if it is, you and I gotta get a tea (sorry, I don’t drink coffee—it rushes me more than my body can handle, lol) and talk/pray/cry over this. If you’re a founder like me, do you really need to work 100 hours a week to make it work? Do you need to be in every room or conversation?

For those who are depressed, anxious, or can’t seem to know your way out of the hole you got yourself into, wanting to find an escape or depending on old habits may seem like what you keep thinking/craving—but you may just need to talk about it. Write about it. Cry it out. Talk to God. Confront your reality and focus on one thing at a time instead of avoiding your feelings for years, if not decades.

I know it is easier said than done. I’m there with you, but I pray that reading this inspires you to practice it with your kids at home, with your pet, partner, coworkers, and/or, most importantly, with yourself. To listen when someone is talking without interrupting (like for real, shut your mouth for a second or a minute). To listen twice because the first time you actually didn’t listen. To sit down and let your thoughts flow, or like me, feel your emotions. Feel them. Cry. Write. Eat a cookie. What does your body and your soul need? And I say the word need—not crave—don’t confuse them. Ask yourself that, and then be silent. Listen to that voice in the back of your head. It may surprise you. It has surprised ME. But listen to it and do something about it—as little as it may be—and let me know how it goes :)

Blessings, Nathalya Ramirez

P.S. Slow down!